Category Archives: Overcoming Fear

5 Tips to Help Cure Social Anxiety

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If you suffer from social anxiety than you know how debilitating it can be. This fear of being judged or not measuring up can be so paralyzing that it can prevent a person from leaving their home.

Everyone deals with some form of anxiety in life but how they react or overcome from that anxiety determines if it is considered social anxiety disorder or not. One trigger can ignite a full-blown anxiety attack, for which there is a society anxiety cure.

1. Modify Unhelpful Thoughts

Almost every social anxiety episode begins with a negative thought. You might think that someone will view you as stupid, or that you will look foolish. Challenge these thoughts.

First, acknowledge them and then challenge them. Question these thoughts and sort through the answers to the questions.

For example, if the unhelpful thought suggest that you would look foolish if you go to the school dance. Ask yourself what would make you look foolish. It can’t be your looks because you are an attractive looking person. Could it be your outfit? Pull your outfit out and give it a good once over. It is a nice outfit and it fits nicely on you so why would you look foolish.

The idea is to continue with challenging and replacing the unhelpful thoughts with helpful and balanced solutions. This is known as cognitive behavioral therapy and you can incorporate into you own life.

2. Stop Playing Mind Reader

Okay this suggestion might seem odd but if you really think about it you are trying to play mind reader because if you really could read minds you wouldn’t have a phobia of what others were thinking. You would know that they were not thinking about you at all and that most if not all was worrying about what others were thinking just like you. Whew! That was a mouth full.

Focus instead on what’s happening around you and not what other people might be thinking. For example, in a conversation, listen more to what is being said rather than what you think he or she is thinking.

3. Control Your Breathing

A society anxiety cure in its own right is controlling your breathing. As people who deal with social anxiety, our breathing stops in the center of our chest. That short distance isn’t healthy and adds to the feeling of being anxious. It’s as if you start to hyperventilate because you aren’t getting enough air, which can lead to lightheadedness, heart rate increase, and tensed muscles.

Instead, purposely focus on your breathing making sure that each time you inhale it expands your stomach. This tip is so relaxing and shifts your focus to something more important. Check out these relaxation techniques for more information.

4. Make Lifestyle Adjustments

Making small lifestyles changes can help to cure society anxiety. For example, incorporate regular yoga or Tai Chi classes in your life. Surround yourself with a supportive group of people that care about you. Limiting caffeine, drinking beverages with alcohol less often and getting plenty of sleep all will work in your favor.

5. Face Your Fears

Okay, that subtitle is scary but before you shut down read a little further and you will see that, it really is possible. It is natural to avoid something we fear but that only adds to our fear of the situation. What you will see is that when you face what it is that you fear, it somehow isn’t as terrifying as you built it up to be. The key factor is taking baby steps.

No one is suggesting that if your fear is of standing in front of a large audience, you just go out there. The suggestion here is to start small. Use three or four people to practice your speech with and work your way up to six or seven and so on. Check out my article on how to overcome fear of public speaking.

To cure social anxiety it may take several forms. Above were just five tips to help cure your social anxiety that has nothing to do with medication. This isn’t to suggest that taking medication is a bad thing. It is just offering five alternative options in case medication isn’t needed.

If you have any more tips on how to cure social anxiety please share below!

Best of luck!

Arnov

Dealing With Social Anxiety

dealing with social anxiety

Dealing with social anxiety can seem like an uphill battle for those dealing with it every minute of the day. If you find your heart racing, palms sweaty, face red, dry mouth and trembling in the presence of people, but everything goes back to normal when you are alone, than social anxiety or social phobia may be the cause.

It is important to remind yourself that you are not alone. Millions of people, just like you, find themselves in a state of panic when interacting in society for one reason or another.

You may not even know it but the person sitting next to you right now is having a social anxiety attack because he or she is afraid of what you are thinking about them.  Just imagine that, and all this time you were worried about what he or she was thinking about you.

The fear of what others will perceive of you can be crippling to say the least. However, the good news is you are not weird, strange, bizarre, or odd and you don’t have some incurable disease. There is hope.

Dealing with social anxiety

Everyone, to some degree, experiences anxiety whether it be due to pressure to perform at work, school or speaking in front of an audience. What sets you a part is how it influences your life.

Think about the person who stutters, just imagine the panic that he or she must feel every time a need to speak should arise. And yet millions of people overcome their social anxiety from a stuttering problem everyday and you can learn to overcome your fears of social rejection too.

Facing your Fears Comically

In most cases, when you face your fears you will see that they aren’t as frightening as they seem. For instance, if you are concerned about what others will think of you, give them a good once over. Look at how her shoes turn over or how he has a stain on his shirt. These are the people that you are stressing over but they are no better than you are and in many cases worse off than you.

  • Adding a bit of humor defuses the situation most often. When you learn to laugh at yourself, you don’t put so much weight on how you are being perceived.
  • Practice speaking aloud in the mirror.
  • Replace the frightful and negative chatter with peaceful compliments

You are Perfect

Certainly, you’ve heard the saying, “nobody’s perfect.” Well, that depends on how you look at it. Resolve right now within yourself that you are prefect and that everyone else is perfect too in his or her own right. No one can do the things you do because he or she is not you.

Everyone is perfect and that means you are prefect too. Can you see that? Don’t judge yourself and others and look at how differences makes a person perfect, than everyone wins.

Learn to love the way you do things and appreciate that you may do the same thing as others but just in a different way. That makes you special.

I wish you the best of luck dealing with social anxiety. I know how challenging it can be and I’m glad you’re taking action.

Arnov

 

How To Get Over The Fear of Rejection

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The fear of rejection rules the world for you if you have social anxiety. It is crippling to think that you will be rejected if you ask that girl or guy out and so you don’t. You would rather go home and play video games  or read because it’s safe.  There’s no one in that game or that love novel to reject you. That makes sense.

What if you could get over your fear of rejection, would you at least try? Just think of how your life might be if the fear of what might happen wasn’t looming over  your head. It would be like taking deep breaths all the time rather than short puffs of life.

Hot People Have Low Self Esteem

You might find this hard to believe but most attractive people (or what society deems attractive) have low self esteem. Just like you, he or she feels that they don’t measure up. Are you kidding me!  So the same anxieties and fears of rejection that you are experiencing for no reason, they are experiencing too. It’s just hidden by all those good looks :)

Surely, you’ve seen the person that isn’t all that “attractive” but seems to attract people like a magnet. You know the guy. He is the one sitting across from you with the hottest girl in the restaurant and even you can admit that you are more attractive than he is. So, how did he get her? Chances are, everyone else is thinking the same.

He has confidence and women love a man with confidence. Likewise, men are drawn to women oozing with confidence. There’s a difference between confidence and arrogance.

What’s the Difference?

The fear of rejection, for a person with self confidence, doesn’t have a chance because he or she is comfortable in their own skin and comfortable with their flaws (we ALL have flaws). They understand that they are unique and have a lot to offer because there is no one else in the world like him or her.  Now that is self-confidence!  Can I get an Amen!

Self-confidence or self acceptance is something that you can have too if you give yourself a chance. Remind yourself that you attract those who are worthy of your company. But first, you must feel that you are worthy of your own company.

Confidence is like a scent in the air that most people can’t resist. It is contagious and they want to be around it because they themselves battle with their own.

Going back to the example with the guy with the attractive girl, he is making her feel special and that’s the type of stuff that works. But it starts from within.

Don’t Take it Personally

Rejection is a part of life that can’t always be avoided no matter how charming you are. The key is not to internalize it and take it personally. The rejection doesn’t mean you’re a failure, it simply means you and the other person are not compatible.

You should give yourself credit for having the guts to put yourself out there. The more you challenge yourself and get out of your comfort zone the lower your fear of rejection will be. Your confidence and fearlessness will actually draw more people to you.

It Starts with You

Stop trying to measure up. That doesn’t mean that you should not try to improve yourself. What it means is that you must realize that you start from a state of perfection because you are unique. Now, if there’s something that you would like to change about yourself you have the power to do it.

Changing or making self improvements should only stem from a personal growth not a feeling that somehow you are not good enough.

The fear of rejection can be crippling if you suffer from social anxiety. I’m glad you’re looking for help and trying to improve your life.

For more tips on dealing with rejection and becoming more self confident, I highly recommend you check out the Shyness And Social Anxiety System. It offers a detailed, step-by-step game plan for getting over your fear of rejection and other fears related to social anxiety.

Wish you all the best of luck!

Arnov

6 Tips To Overcoming Fear Of Public Speaking


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The fear of public speaking is one of the most common fears in the world. People are more terrified of public speaking than death. This means at a funeral most people would rather be in the coffin than give the eulogy. If you question this fear you will slowly start to realize how irrational it is. I used to be terrified of public speaking and still am to this day.

Even the best public speakers in the world feel anxiety before getting on stage. Fear of public speaking is a natural biologic reaction which never quite goes away. However, it is possible to dramatically reduce the fear of public speaking and make it manageable.

The first time I had to give a speech was in the 7th grade. Being a shy kid, my parents had forced me to enter a public speaking competition to “bring me out of my shell”. When they called my name to get to the stage I was terrified.

The well rehearsed speech I spent hours memorizing went blank. There was no podium to hide my shaking legs. I forgot most of my speech and looked like a complete idiot in front of 200 people. I wanted to crawl into a hole and die.

After that embarrassing event I started to feel a change. I was angry at myself for being such a coward and decided that I had to get this part of my life handled. I started participating in class more and tried to find as many as many opportunities to do public speaking as possible.

I entered the same public speaking competing again next year and came in 4th. I didn’t win, but I realized that public speaking is a skill set just like playing the piano or chess. It’s something you can learn and become better at through practice.

Since that embarrassing speech completion in the 7th grade I have dramatically reduced my fear of public speaking and gone on to give dozens of speeches throughout the years. One of my biggest speech successes was when I ran for student council president and had to give a speech in front of 2000 people.

I ended up winning by a landslide, and that would never have been possible if I hadn’t learned to improve my public speaking skills. I still feel nervous when going up on stage, but after 30 seconds I begin to enjoy the rush, and feed of the energy of the crowd. There is no better feeling than conquering your fear and giving a brilliant speech.

Mastering this skill set has given me immense confidence and a great sense of accomplishment. Here are some of the tips I followed to overcome the fear of public speaking:

  1. Start small. If the thought of speaking to crowd makes you shutter in fear, it’s ok. Take baby steps. Begin by talking to a small group of close friends or family. If you’re too shy to do that, practice in front of a mirror or into camera?. Challenge yourself to speak to bigger and bigger groups . Try taking a program like Toast Masters. It’s a great program that teaches people how to slowly overcome their fear of public speaking.
  2. Don’t memorize your speech. The anxiety of giving a speech will make you go blank and will have difficulty remembering your speech which will make you even more anxious. This a negative feedback loop. Instead, focus on a 2-3 main points and have an overall understanding of the subject matter.
  3. Understand your topic: You will be a lot more confident if you thoroughly understand your topic. Take time to prepare your points.
  4. Challenge Irrational Beliefs: People are not viscous monsters who want to see you embarrass yourself. Almost everybody has a fear of public speaking so they will understand if you are a bit nervous.
  5. Relax:  You will feel the most anxious the minute before you have to go on stage. Be aware of your nervous thoughts and don’t let them bog you down.
  6. Visualization: I have saved the best for last. Incorporating visualization exercises has dramatically increased my public speaking abilities. Your brain doesn’t know the difference between reality and something you vividly imagine. Take advantage of this principle and mentally rehearse everyday leading up to the speech. Make the visualization as real as possible. Take a few deep breaths, and relax. Imagine the stage, the lights, your heartbeat, etc. Imagine giving your speech in front of everyone.  The more realistic you make your visualization the more powerful the results will be.

Do you have any tips to overcome fear of public speaking? If so please share in the comments section below.

How to Overcome Social Anxiety

master social anxietyOne powerful way for overcoming social anxiety is to model the behavior of people who are socially competent. You don’t have to reinvent the wheel, success leaves footprints. Observe socially successful people when they’re working a room.

Pay attention to their body language. Are they standing straight or slouching? Are they leaning back and feeling relaxed in their environment, or are they demonstrating closed body language? Do they openly take up space or they shrink down to a ball?

Pay attention to how confident people speak. Do they stutter or enunciate their words clearly? Do they speak gently or do they speak with a booming and self-assured voice?

Do they stand around with drinks pressed to their chest or are they open and engaging with everyone in the room. How is their eye contact? Is steady or darting?

By paying attention you will begin to notice that people aren’t just randomly good at social situations. They are good, because they take action and behave in ways that socially anxious people do not.

Overcoming social anxiety requires you to understand the characteristics of a social confident person and begin to emulate those characteristics in your day to day life.

“Why should I work on my external qualities” you ask, “Don’t I need to focus on my inner beliefs?” You must definitely work on your inner beliefs, but the truth is you can do affirmations until you’re blue in the face and still not see results. The only way to overcome social anxiety is to take action! The fastest way to fix your inner game is to fix your outer game.

Affirmations fail because your external reality doesn’t concur with the belief you are trying to integrate into your life. For example if you repeat to yourself “I am confident, I am confident, I am confident…” but your external reality shows that you are in fact a pussy then your subconscious brain will reject that affirmation.

However, if you do something brave like speak up in class, or tell a funny joke where everyone laughs than you have a real life example to reinforce the belief that you are confident. Get this through your head: affirmations don’t mean squat without action.

At first this task may seem daunting and to a certain extent it is. That is why I recommend you start with baby steps. Take one quality of a socially confident person and try to develop that trait in yourself.

For example, if you have stuttering problems focus only on improving that for 3 weeks until you have it down.

When you have your stuttering handled, move on to fixing your body language. Learn to stand in way that conveys strength and confidence. Focus on that for another 3 weeks until you feel as if you have mastered that.

Make these challenges progressively harder. After you have your vocal projection and body language down focus on talking more comfortably with your friends, and start to make small chit chat with a waitress or cashier (they’re paid to be friendly so it makes for great practice). Raise your hand in class and ask questions. Next time you have a suggestion try letting others know.

Make sure you understand that overcoming social anxiety requires you that you take small, consistent steps and progressively challenge yourself. Right now you may feel that it’s impossible to become the socially confident person of your dreams but I assure it’s possible and I’ve known many people who have overcome that (myself included).

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.” Do yourself a favor and take the first step!

Here is a quick recap of the main points:

  • Observe how socially confident people behave
  • Try to emulate those traits in yourself
  • Focus on developing one trait at a time for at least 3 weeks (or until it becomes a habit)
  • Engage people and make the social situations progressively more challenging.
  • Take small, consistent action on a daily basis
  • Keep in mind there is no magic short cut, the journey may be long but it’s definitely rewarding!

Wish you all the best of luck!

Arnov Rahman